And so, after a week fighting valiantly against the evil magician Mucus and his cohorts of Sneezlets, our heroine rises from her brown leather DFS sofa, casts aside the three cuddly cushions that have protected her throbbing head (especially the one with teddy bears on) and shakes off the cashmere throw that cast its protective mantle over her poor broken body. She lives! She breathes – albeit in the fashion of an asthmatic pug! It was a pretty close run thing but the Universe still has to be saved.
She makes her way, unsteadily to Communication Central and plugs in hoping not to be deafened by the Hails and Hurrahs of her adoring and relieved Followers. But no, clearly they’ve all been to the seaside this past week and forgotten all about her…the faithless rats. Were she strong enough, she would trample their sand castles underfoot and kick sand in their faces.
No matter, in her delirious, enfeebled state a vision came to her; an idea so humongous in its possibilities that’ll she will ride on the pig’s back for eternity and her Followers may possibly share in the glory…if they’re particularly nice to her and remember she prefers dark chocolate, preferably the sort with little chippy bits of almonds inside.
In time she will reveal all (about her vision that is – you’re not that lucky)and the Universe will bless and reward her and we’ll all have egg, chips and beans for tea.
Now, where’s the Lemsip?